#1419
Hey ladies!
Date: 12/25/2001
From: TorksXmasSpecial
I'm under the mistletoe.
Wait a minute.
<Tork takes a cab, travels to Aunt Flavia's Ranch, ties up Nastenka with her own yarn, and returns to that spot under the mistletoe.>
Okay, now I'm ready.
<Tork closes his eyes and puckers up.>
#1420
<makes sure Tork's eyes...
Date: 12/26/2001
From: grandmapa
*<(:O{D} Santa loves giving!
are closed, then puts Fantasia from Hobgoblins mouth-to-mouth with Tork!> Poor Tork... tee-hee!
Fantasia: Ready for some sweet loving, baby! *SMOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCCCH*
Tork: Phuh phun! Phese phar phom pweet phips, phapy! <opens his eyes and sees who it is, then promptly bites Fantasia's tongue!> AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!! NASTY!!!
Fantasia: Ow! Wat wurt... why, aren't we wetting wisky woney! Whet's wo whet a wotel woom, where wi can wake wour weams come wrue! <drags Tork toward the front door>
Tork: HEEEEEEEEELP! GET ME AWAY FROM THIS DISEASED THING!
gramps: Well... alright! But don't ever make that wish again! <transports Fantasia to Aunt Flavia's barn>
Tork: gramps! I can't believe you! <slaps gramps across the side of the head>
gramps: Well, you had to kiss someone to get this thing moving along!
Tork: Ewww, I need to go to the hospital, seeing as I now have about 14 STDs...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<back at the RP>
Lita: Okay, what do we do now? <pulls out checklist> Escape from Guards, check, Kill Monster with Explosion, check, Discuss What Caused Explosion, check... everything's complete!
Rimmer: Why don't we find the cow? He's always happy to see us!
Lita: Yeah, you're right! I love that cow! <the gang walks into MSTBlanca to find PM and Co. levitating!>
PM: Put us down! I demand it! Ummm... I'll give you some nice hay! Nice and goldeny hay!
Cow: Noooooooo way, after all yooooooou've done! And I don't even eat!
gramps: What the... what is going on here?!
Cow: It just soooooo happens, old kid, that I finally found my magic inside of this hideoooooooous figure!
Rimmer: That's funny! Hey, do you think you could put Pharfaoahoaroh and his henchmen in some frilly ballroom gowns?
EM: Yeah, with Tammy Faye Bakker makeup!
Tork: And beehives!
Lita42: And stinky old lady perfume!
Mickey: And old lady arm flabs!
Lita: And Elton John glasses!
gramps: With a cherry on top! <everyone gives gramps "The Look"> Well, *I* thought it was cute! Geez...
Cow: Those thoughts even amooooooooose me! Here it goes! <instantly, the floating group is wearing frilly ballroom dresses, Tammy Faye makeup, beehives, stinky old lady perfume and arm flabs, and Elton John glasses>
PM: Grrr! Nefertiti, where are you?!
<outside with Sunshine>
Mrs. Mo: Hey, Sunshine, could you please not cover up my head with snow?! Please?!
Sunshine: But to make a snowman, I have to! Now be quiet before you make me cry!
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
President of the Mr. T Fan Club!
Second-Place Winner of Wacky Races 2001!
6:44 P.M. CST!
#1421
<almost a day later>
Date: 12/26/2001
From: Tork_110
<Tork is still standing there, waiting. He finally opens eyes.>
Tork: Where is everybody?
Sam: They all left.
Tork: What?
Sam: Yeah, they left along time ago. We thought you were a new statue.
Tork: Oh, well, gotta go.
PM: Oh no, someon has to pay the bill.
...
Tork: Ohhhh, you mean me. Okay.
Tork_110
serves the Dark One
The Thomas Edison of Typos
Who ordered this?
What about this?
Gramps! I know you ordered all of these.
#1422
Argh! Where did you come from!
Date: 12/26/2001
From: Tork_110
Okay, Gramps was first. The previous reply didn't happen.
(Where were you 2 minutes ago?)
#1423
Darn you, gramps, you twisted old coot!!
Date: 12/26/2001
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
I had a nice reply all written out, and then you had to come in here and reply ahead of me at just the last second, and now I can't post it without causing serious problems with the time/space continuum!!1!
<Lita throws a dirty look at gramps.>
Sucks for you, Tork. In my post you got kissed by somebody who isn't Fantasia.
#1424
Choices, choices...
Date: 12/26/2001
From: Tork_110
Hmmm. Fantasia, or the mystery lady behind the curtain.
the many diseases of Fantasia, or Lita's twisted imagination.
Lita: Did Tork just say...
Oops, nothing. Nothing at all. (nervous laugh and thumbs up)
<tick tick tick tick tick>
I'll take the curtain!
#1425
Well...
Date: 12/26/2001
From: Carmelita9000
..........................................................
I actually still have the thing I was about to post because I know how the Duh is. I prefer to take steps to keep my replies from falling into the void should something bad happen. But it really, really conflicts with what gramps said.
I could post it anyway if you want, but there could be big continuity problems...
Lita
#1426
No, go ahead
Date: 12/26/2001
From: Tork_110
I'd hate for one of your replies to go to waste. (Especially when I'm partially the reason why.)
Let's pretend that some alternate dimension Tork is by an amazing coincidence doing the exact same thing.
#1427
Go on and post it!
Date: 12/26/2001
From: grandmapa
All your base are belong to us!
We'll just pretend that either yours or mine is a dream sequence! Of course, that's how I usually un-screw what I screw up with about 90% of my replies...
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
President of the Mr. T Fan Club!
Second-Place Winner of Wacky Races 2001!
10:19 P.M. CST!
#1428
All right...
Date: 12/26/2001
From: Carmelita9000
You asked for it...........................................
<Suddenly, for no apparent reason, Tork falls into an alternate dimension! He lands right on top of the Alternate Tork, killing him. (And neatly getting him out of the picture so that we don't have to worry about him. Fortunately, nobody else in this dimension notices this.) By an incredible cooincidence, the exact same thing was going on in this dimension that was going on in the other dimension. Tork finds himself under some mistletoe. He stands around a while and waits for something to happen, then…>
***
<The girls are all in a huddle>
Lita: Ok. Somebody's got to kiss Tork. Who's it gonna be?
Rimmer: I don't see why any of us should. What, we have to kiss a guy because he's standing under some dead plant? That's stupid!
Lita: It's a tradition! You can't break tradition! There could be dire consequences!
Rimmer: Oh? Like what?
Lita: <Ignoring the question because she doesn't know the answer> It's not like you have to marry him. Come on. We have to hurry up and decide. He's been waiting for a really long time. Just look at him! He looks so sad!
Cara: If you're so hot to make sure Tork gets kissed, why don't you kiss him?
Lita: Because Evil Mike would take any excuse to totally beat the crap out of him, and that's no way to celebrate Christmas. So I can't do it. So there.
Cara: And Rimmi and I can't do it for obvious reasons.
Lita: Yeah, because you're…
Cara: We don't…
Lita: You're not…
Cara: We don't swing that way.
Lita: Right. That's it.
Rimmer: Hey, wait a minute! I do so swing that way!
Cara: <Pats Rimmer's hand reassuringly.> Of course you do, Sweetie.
Rimmer: I do!
Lita: Anyway, who else is th--
Rimmer: I DO!!!
Everybody else: Ok!
Mrs. Mo: I can't do it. I'm married.
Lita: All right. That makes sense.
Rimmer: Hmph.
Sunshine: I'll do it!
Mrs. Mo: No.
Sunshine: You're not the boss of me, you ugly old hag! I wanna kiss him! He's cute!
Mrs. Mo: You're too young.
Rimmer: Tork's had enough trouble with younger women. What about Cave Me?
Cave Rimmer: *Ah-Choo!!!* Ah cad. Aww dis snow… I tink Ah cod a code.
Lita: Oh, I'll bet it's not contagious. You can probably still--
Cave Rimmer: Ah tink Ah'm godda trow ub…
<Cave Rimmer leaves the huddle. A few seconds later, PM can be heard yelling, "My shoes!!!">
Rimmer: Ok. So I guess not Cave Me.
Lita: That Sunday Bitch? How about you?
Sunday: That's not my style. I'd rather release wolverines in his bed while he sleeps... hey, now that I think about it…
Lita: Oooookay… I guess that just leaves…
Lita42: No!
Lita9000: You're the only one left!
Lita42: But I don't wanna! What about gramps? He's wearing a dress!
Lita9000: Will you just get over there?!
<Lita42 reluctantly walks over to Tork.>
Lita42: Ok, I'll kiss you. But first I want to lay down some ground rules. No hugging, fondling, or groping. And no tongue!
Tork: Fine! Whatever! Just kiss me, Baby!
<Lita42 starts to walk away, but walks into Lita9000>
Lita9000: 42, where are you going?
Lita42: He called me Baby!
Lita9000: Would you just--
Lita42: Argh! All right!
<Lita42 goes back over to Tork and kisses him. And while their eyes are still closed, That Sunday Bitch sneaks up, and handcuffs them to each other. She runs away, giggling insanely.>
Tork: What the… Hey!
Lita42: Aww, dammit!
***
There, Tork! Now, I don't know how the heck you're going to get back into our dimension, but you just *had* to know what I was going to say!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
Cave Rimmer's sick?
Cripes, she lived out in the wilderness for like 5 years!
You'd think that would have built up her immune system just a little bit!
#1429
Aaargh! gramps, you did it again!
Date: 12/26/2001
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
Blah! (Not to anybody in particular, just a general blah.)
If you guys would rather do the dream sequence thing instead of the alternate reality thing, that's fine. Either way is good for me. Whichever works best for the rp. :o)
Lita
#1430
Ack! It's the psychic connections!
Date: 12/26/2001
From: grandmapa
***
Remember when I read your mind about the Campbell's Chunky Soup throwing?! We're Miss Cleo-ically intertwined, and there's no way to avoid it! Aaaaaaaaaaah!!!! And you live 3000 miles away! Aaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
Hmmm, I predict that you are watching your Batman DVD at this moment, seeing as you usually watch Batman while replying, like you have said before! And I predict Tork will reply before I post this, and I will not look to see who has posted! Let's see...
gramps!
10:34 P.M. CST!
#1431
Ha ha, I'm wrong!
Date: 12/26/2001
From: grandmapa
At least on the Tork thing! Lita, how about you?
I'll be the next Carnac the Magnificent, gosh darn it!
gramps!
10:37 P.M. CST!
#1432
I'd *like* to be watching Batman.
Date: 12/26/2001
From: Carmelita9000
********************************************************
If I had my druthers, I'd be watching Batman, with running commentary by Adam West and Burt Ward right now. But sadly, I'm here with my parents, and my mother really likes the Packers. (Understatement of the year, Mom would sell me up the river for Brett Favre any day.) *But* there is a Packer (Ahman Green) who really likes Batman, and he has a Batman tatoo, and everybody on the team calls him Batman. So I guess in a way, I am watching Batman right now.
Ugh. I hate the Packers.
Lita
#1433
nope, sorry
Date: 12/26/2001
From: Tork_110
I was reading Lita's reply. (Did you get all that PM?)
Go to bed old man, err, woman, err, it.
<Throws metamucil at grandmapa>
While I'm here
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<The real Tork gets a letter (after the space-time continuum thingie gets a fixed.)>
Tork: Hey listen here. Deathstalker got my old job at the MSTHauntedHouse. He says that all the dancers are throwing themselves at him...
Rimmer: Yeah right.
Tork: He also says it's better than being with Aunt Flavia. He says, "There I was, being real nice to this Russo-Finnish girl, when all of a sudden this old lady showed up. She couldn't keep her hands to herself! So I stole her horse and got away from there."
<Everybody shudders.>
Tork_110
serves the Dark One
The Thomas Edison of Typos
There, I tied up that loose end, unless I messed up the continuity. (although you're not supposed to wonder why Deathstalker sent me a letter)
If it isn't Mickey's fault, it must be my fault. Except in this case, where it's CLEARLY gramps fault.
#1434
Quick fun-fact about Adam West.
Date: 12/27/2001
From: Carmelita9000
You'll be so glad you found out............................
I learned this while watching Animal Planet the other day. Adam West owns a Standard Poodle named Bow. This is neat for me, because I just happen to own a Standard Poodle. (Her name isn't Bow, but she is black, like Adam West's.) He says it was his wife who wanted the poodle, he didn't because poodles aren't manly or something. But as the puppy grew, he discovered that standard poodles are actually pretty big, about the same size as a lab. And they're very smart. And you don't have to cut their hair all wussy-like. So he really likes the dog now.
Everybody, be like Adam West and me! Go get a standard poodle right now! But watch out for cataracts (which are common in Standard Poodles) and grooming bills (which will make you poor)! Oh, and watch out for snakes too.
Lita
likes Standard Poodles
and Batman
I believe gramps killed my poodle and served her to me at a Manosday BBQ we had on the bboard a while back. That's my clone and my dog, gramps! What the hell is your deal?!?!
#1435
It's not all *that* straightened out...
Date: 12/27/2001
From: Carmelita9000
I know I'm being obsessive................................
But I'm just wondering.
Whose reply happened? Mine or gramps's? Or did they both happen (ala alternate reality)? Was one a dream sequence? If it was an alternate reality, did Tork get back to this reality somehow, or is he still in the other one? If there was a dream sequence, who had the dream, and which reply was the dream?
Ok, I think that covers it.
Maybe
Lita
#1436
Ha ha, I'm wrong again!
Date: 12/27/2001
From: grandmapa
Right now, I'm sitting here typing and watching Jay Leno. He was on that overseas show for the troops, and he filmed it all for his T.V. audience's enjoyment. Sadly, I'll have to watch Dwight Yoakum on the show for 3 nights straight. He's worn that cowboy hat so long, it's left a big ol' ratty bald spot!
A DVD Player would be nice, but it's just too big of an investment, with all the videos I already have. A TiVo would be even better, and you could record up to 15 MST3k episodes on it, with its 30 hours of recording memory!
You see that *someone's* been watching too many infomercials, which they should call commercials, seeing as they don't give you any useful information and they advertise junk, like commercials. Man, am I gripey!
gramps!
11:08 P.M. CST!
#1437
about the large plot hole
Date: 12/27/2001
From: Tork_110
I say we just wait until Mr. Time-Space Expert figures it out. The little story I just added was meant for whenever the inconsistency was fixed.
Boy, I sure hope Mickey didn't injure himself sitting in his new chair. Of course, I didn't know anything about the missing wheel...
grandmapa, you can be so cruel when you're sober.
#1438
I want to post, but I can't!
Date: 12/27/2001
From: MickeyTheGardener
Hey, wanna buy a watch?
Glad to see you're all doing fine without me. I'll try to be less stupid and do an rp thing later, but I just wanted everyone to know I'm here...um...hi.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Owner of the world's most controversial chair.
We'll send him cheesy fish.
#1439
So, it's up to Mickey?
Date: 12/27/2001
From: Carmelita9000
..........................................................
That's fine with me.
Hey, Mickey! You got Crow's Christmas wish! You get to decide who lives and who dies! Lucky you! Now quit trying to weasel out of the responsibility!
Lita
#1440
Oh...nice one, Tork
Date: 12/27/2001
From: MickeyTheGardener
That was sarcasm..........
You don't even know I'm here, and you put all the pressure on me. Just for that, I'm going to rub my new chair in your face for a while.
(spins)
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Tork: Hey...cut that out.
Mickey: Nope. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Tork: Hey. what about the missing wheel?
Mickey: I caught that right away Tork. That's the fastest customer service department EVER. I got a new wheel fast.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
I have a chair.
#1441
Ummm...
Date: 12/27/2001
From: grandmapa
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Well, *someone* didn't feed my dogs while housesitting, but instead gave them away as prizes for some game show! So there!
About the continuum: I say Tork should make the decision, because he threw Metamucil at me, called me old, and said that I was mean when sober! Blah! (Actually, whoever wants to make the decision can. It's anyone's call.)
That's interesting about Adam West, Lita. I also thought that poodles had to be groomed down to their skin and bones, but then again, I'm an expert on dachshunds, not Standard Poodles :o)
<throws Chunky Soup can at Tork> Go get a soup addiction, like Mickey, whipper-snapper! All you ever see kids these days doing is acting "cool" and "chilling"! If it were left up to me, I'd take 'em behind the woodshed!
gramps!
11:32 P.M. CST!
#1442
Make up your mind, Mickey!
Date: 12/27/2001
From: grandmapa
<<<<<<<<<<<<
Who do you love more? Lita, me, or Tork? Not to put any pressure on you, that is! <shows Mickey a coupon to Chair Central for Free Wheel Rotating and Changing!> Boy, I sure do love that chair!
gramps!
That made absolutely no sense!
I don't care!
11:37 P.M. CST!
#1443
So I get to play God?
Date: 12/27/2001
From: MickeyTheGardener
Ho Ho...no wait, that's Santa Claus.
OK, I say...Writer's Block!
Writer's Block: What? No!
Mickey: Sorry, WB, you just aren't contributing anything to the story. Besides, Lita already killed you, so it's not that bad.
Writer's Block: OK, fine...least you could've done was have Cara and Sunshine go with me.
Mickey: Oh shutup and die already!
(Writer's Block dies...again)
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Sorry, I only get one.
#1444
*Somebody* make the decision!!!
Date: 12/27/2001
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
I can't decide which post to keep, because I made one of the replies in question, and thus I am not impartial.
BTW, Mickey. Remember how gramps keeps writing replies where you pass out after one drink? Yeah, I thought you might remember that.
Lita
#1445
Hey Mickey...
Date: 12/27/2001
From: grandmapa
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Remember all thse times Lita commanded EM to beat you up in her replies, and she even helped him on occasion? If you don't, it's okay; you had so many concussions, you poor thing...
<flashes coupon> Better have that chair checked, because Tork could've booby-trapped it, with his evil ways and what-not!
gramps!
11:53 P.M. CST!
#1446
Saaaayy.... Mickey....
Date: 12/27/2001
From: Carmelita9000
..........................................................
Remember Lita6969? Yeah, I bet you do. She's pretty friendly, isn't she? I'm not saying anything, I'm just saying...
Lita
#1447
So, am I dead or what?
Date: 12/27/2001
From: IamWritersBlock
I'm *waiting*............
Of course, if I was dead, I wouldn't be posting, but that never stopped me before, right Lita?
#1448
Awww.... This isn't me.
Date: 12/27/2001
From: Carmelita9000
............................................................
I respectfully withdraw all bribes and attempts at coercion. If mean old gramps wants to get his own way through bribery and shady dealings, that's fine. But I'm going to take the high road, and resolve not to gain victory through naughtiness.
So, Mickey, you can either side with me and thus win a victory for the side of goodness and niceness, or you can go with the Eeeeevil old crackpot grandmapa and his crooked ways.
<While Lita is distracting Mickey with her eloquent speech, Evil Mike goes after grampie with a monkey wrench.>
Lita
#1449
My chair goes up and down, too n/t
Date: 12/27/2001
From: MickeyTheGardener
n/t n/t n/t n/t n/t n/t n/t
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Stalling? Me? Nooooooooooooooooo!
To make his robot fish.
#1450
My chair squeaks.
Date: 12/27/2001
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
It's really annoying, and I wish somebody would fix it. (Why don't *I* fix it? Because!)
If nobody else is going to resolve this continuity problem, I will.
But not right this second, I don't have time.
Lita
#1451
I can't fix it!
Date: 12/27/2001
From: grandmapa
<<<<<<<<<<<
I'd be impartial, and I'd feel bad about marking out someone's reply, which they took a lot of time on.
Will someone fix it?! Mickey, PM?!
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
President of the Mr. T Fan Club!
Second-Place Winner of Wacky Races 2001!
11:04 P.M. CST!
#1452
All right! That tears it!
Date: 12/27/2001
From: Carmelita9000
...........................................................
I found time after all…
You people all seem to be too wimpy to fix this, so I'm going to do it! (It's not like I'm not partially responsible anyway.) I'm not impartial, but I'll try to incorporate both replies. If you guys don't like how it turns out, we don't have to use it. (Though I suppose what I really *should* say is if you guys don't like how it turns out, then you should have fixed it yourselves!)
*****
<The action in this post takes place outside. Why? Because that works better. There is utter chaos. Time and space seem to have lost all meaning. There is a Tork hanging out under some mistletoe, another Tork wrestling with Lita42 to get some handcuffs off, and yet another Tork playing with a yo-yo nearby. Several Evil Mikes are causing various types of mischief. There are two Pharaoh Mobiuses. One is fighting with Nabut, while the other is checking out his new frilly ballroom gown. It's very confusing! Lita is discussing the logistics of time and space with Mickey, but she pauses for a moment to glance up at a window on the third story.>
Lita: Hey, everybody! Look! It's my cow! And that big ugly Pumaman mask!
Everybody: Huh?
Cow: <to several shock troopers that are crowded behind him> Comooe on! You know what I told you! Shoot her! Shoot her!
Shock trooper: <kind of confused> What? Why are we here again?
Cow: To do mooy bidding! Get to it!
<The shock troopers scratch their heads, but they don't do much else. The reality problems are confusing them too.>
Lita: Lord Stinkeykitten, did you cause all this?
Cow: Yes! With this golden Aztec mooask, I have distorted reality, and caused several alternate universes to bleed into each other! Ha ha ha!
Rimmer: Can he do that?
Other Rimmer: Yeah, does that mask have that kind of power?
Yet another Rimmer: Yeah is--
Cow: Of course! How could I be doing this if I couldn't do it? Hmoomoomoomoo?
Lita: But why?
Cow: Because I'moo sick of you people! If I destroy the timooe space continuumoo with this mooask, though, all the confusion will drive you all mooad, MOOAD!! And I will finally be free fromoo all of you mooorons!
Mrs. Mo: Hey, has anybody seen my little sister?
Sunshine: <Peeks out the window from behind the cow.> Eeek!!!
Mrs. Mo: Oh no! My sister is in danger!
Lita: I'm going to go get my cow.
<Lita and Mrs. Mo go inside, and run up to the room where Lord Kinsey Figgybottom the Cow is hanging out.>
Mrs. Mo: What are you doing with my sister, Figgybottom?!
Cow: Don't you see? She's the key to all of this! She's not real in any reality!
Lita: She's not?
Cow: No! You just mooade her up to annoy Rimoomooer!
Lita: Oh, yeah!
Cow: And she's also the Pumooamooan!!
Lita: She can't be Pumaman! She's a girl!
Cow: So was Tony Farmoos, but that didn't stop himoo fromoo being Pumooamooan.
Mrs. Mo: He's got a poin.
Cow: So the only way to stop all this destruction, is to kill Sunshine!
Sunshine: Nooooo!
Lita: Why? I don't get it.
Cow: I'moo not surprised. But of course you wouldn't do such a thing. So I win! Reality will collapse! You'll all go crazy! Ha Ha HA *snort* Moooo!
Mrs. Mo: It wouldn't be right to kill Sunshine, she's innocent.
Sunshine: I can't believe you would even consider it, you bitch!
Lita: But she has to die, or else everything will get screwed all to crap!
Mrs. Mo: No, there's another way. She's my fake little sister, so that means we are actually the same person.
Lita: It does?
Mrs. Mo: So if I die, that should fix the problem too! All I need to do is kill myself, and everybody will be saved!
Lita: Now, that doesn't make any freaking sense.
Sunshine: It makes sense to me.
Mrs. Mo: I know what I have to do. I have to jump out this window and die.
Lita: Screw that!
<Lita places her foot squarely in the small of Sunshine's back, and gives her a hearty shove right out the window. Normally, a Pumaman should be able to fall like a cat and be ok in a big fall, but sadly Pumamen also fall at a 45 degree angle. As a result of this, Sunshine falls directly into some power lines, which just isn't very good for anybody. It kills her. (Yes! Sunshine's *DEAD*!!! And I'm not sorry!) Instantly, all the extra dimensional people (other than Cave Rimmer, who is supposed to be here) disappear. Time and space is repaired.>
Mrs. Mo: You killed my little sister! Again!
Lita: Yeah, I guess I did, didn't I?
Mrs. Mo: Thanks!
Lita: No problem. And she's not coming back either.
Mrs. Mo: Not unless your friend Rimmer decides to cough up a snake and bring her back. <------------(Reference to Vampire Based Programming, for those of you who don't watch it.)
Lita: I'll slap her if she tries.
<Lita picks up Lord Kinsey Figgybottom the Cow.>
Lita: All right, Duke Sillywilly. Playtime is over. Time to go back downstairs and see how all our friends are doing.
Cow: I hate you sooo moouch.
*****
<Ok, like I said before, all the alternate realities have been sorted out, and/or fused into one. As a result, nobody has the exact same memory about how events from the last few posts happened. But they can all agree on how things are *now*, and here are a few details.
1. Tork and 42 are still handcuffed together. (A very common plot device in sitcoms, because it's funny!)
2. Fantasia in her raspy voice is telling Mickey all about how she goes ALL THE WAY ON A FIRST DATE!!! Mickey is trying to disengage himself from her kung-fu grip.
3. Evil Mike is dressed like some kind of a 70's pimp. Lita9000 looks like she should be reclining on top of a piano in some sleazy smoke filled lounge.
4. PM is wearing a frilly ballgown, far too much makeup, a beehive, stinky old lady perfume, and Elton John Glasses. Nobody can quite remember how that happened, though there are several theories. He is currently fighting with Nabut over a painting of a sad clown with a basket of puppies and kittens. They both seem to really love the smelly thing.
5. Nabut, for some reason, now has two heads. Not too live heads though. Somebody seems to have surgically grafted a mannequin head onto his left shoulder. A female mannequin too. Huh.
6. Rimmer and Cara are being chased around by Carrot Top. He never dies!!!
7. gramps has fallen asleep. He's a very old man, and he needs his rest.
It's odd, but people are adjusting. Nobody is crying about Sunshine. Suddenly, Tork pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket.>
Tork: Hey, everybody! Guess what! I just noticed that Deathstalker wrote me a letter! Apparently he has my old job at MSTHaunted House! And Aunt Fornicate is the new Girl in Gold Boots!
Everybody: Ewwww!!!
Lita
Queen Bitch
President of the I Hate Riddler Club
Vice Prez of the I Hate Hamburglar Club
Vice Prez of the Draco Malfoy Fan Club
Winner of the Coveted Forrester Cup
borrowed liberally from Vampire Based Programming for this reply.
What? It's not stealing! It's a tribute!
http://www.badart.com/lucky2/puppiesnkittens.html
I brought Sunshine into this rp. I can take her out.
Hey, it takes a long post to fix Time and Space!
#1453
Today's a good day for me.
Date: 12/27/2001
From: MickeyTheGardener
"""""""""""""""""""""""""
My desk and *ahem* chair are all set up, my niece is spending the next few days with her grandmother, and.....
I FINALLY GOT UPN AND WB! And I promise I'll be a good little boy, and watch the vampire related programming.
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Just repeat to yourself it's just a fish.
#1454
Thank you Lita!
Date: 12/27/2001
From: grandmapa
<<<<<<<<<<
You did a much better job that *I* could ever do weaving every single element together! You get a cookie!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<back at the RPG...>
42: Hold the candle closer to the cuffs, Tork!
Tork: I'm trying, I'm trying! I don't know if these are gonna melt that easily... OOOOOOOOWWWWWW OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!!!! BURNING SKIN!!!
42: Stop acting like an idiot and stop, drop, and roll!!!
Tork: OKAY!!! <Tork stops, drops, and rolls in the snow, dragging 42 along with him> Whew! Thanks a bunch!
42: <mouth full of snow> Phi phate pou...
Fantasia: <staring at 42 and Tork> That's just the way I like it! Come on, Mickey, let me show you how I go ALL THE WAY! <stares into Mickey's panicky face with her crossed eyes and buck tooth as she tightens her kung-fu grip>
Mickey: *cough* Okay *wheeze* okay!!! Just *hack* lemme go!
Fantasia: Okay, sweet lips, let's get started! Just a moment... <runs behind Mickey, looks around in her purse, and pulls out a gun>
Mickey: Fantasia, where are you?
Fantasia: <checks the barrel, and starts loading bullets in> Hold on, because passion takes time, hot stuff!
Mickey: Hurry up already!
Fantasia: Fine! <poins the gun at the back of Mickey's head, pulls the trigger, but nothing happens> Grrr! Work, work! <poins the gun aimlessly, pulls the trigger, and shoots her Hobgoblin, then holds her arms up in a creepy fadeaway sequence with that magical ringing sound> I'll be back someday, and be in a soap opera....
Mickey: Fantasia!!! Come on!!! <gets tapped on the shoulder by EM> Wha? Where is she?! Fantasia, honey come back!
EM: <in a Dolemite voice> If you want a prostitute, you must have da loot!
Mickey: You have to pay for *her*?! Geez, that's wrong... well at least she's gone! Yay for me!
EM: Whatchutalkinbout?
Mickey: Nothing... say, where's Lita?
Lita: Here I am! Hey, doll baby!
EM: Hey, sweet chick, have you had a kick?
Lita: Nah, I haven't even had time to sit down, let alone have a drink! Do you like my new dress? I got it from Spencers!
Mickey: <talking to himself> If you could call that a dress... more like a Fantasia special... <gets hit over the head with a peemp cane> Oof! What?
EM: Someone's talkin' 'bout my woman!
Lita: Get him, sweetie! <EM gets in a badly acted "fight" with Mickey, where EM widely misses Mickey's head with a series of swats, then Mickey falls down>
Mickey: Ouch...
EM: That should teach you, what not to do!
Lita: You go, hon! Let's celebrate... what the?
Cara: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!! Stay away, you awful thing!
Rimmer: No, not the boxes! Aaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!
Carrot Top: You can't escape the Winona Ryder Steal-n-Snort! See, now you can do drugs *while* shoplifting!
Lita: That sounds good! Ooo, I want it, I want it!
EM: That ain't Conan, it's the phoneman!
Carrot Top: Just dial down the center! *wink*
Lita: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!! KILL HIM, KILL HIM, KILL HIM!!!
magrandpa?
grandmapa!, sch.
The Elderly Gender-Bender!
Vice-Prez of the I Hate Riddler Club!
President of the I Hate Hamburglar Club!
President of the Mr. T Fan Club!
Second-Place Winner of Wacky Races 2001!
2:38 P.M. CST!
#1455
(Mickey smacks Carrot Top with his
Date: 12/27/2001
From: MickeyTheGardener
controversial spinny chair)
Rimmer: Phew! Thanks, Mickey!
Mickey: OK, so this makes two Rimmer resues for me now.
Cara (Looks at Carrot Top): I think he's swallowing his tongue!
Mickey: Hey, NEVER mess with my chair!
Mickey T. Gardener
Bboard Nice Guy
Friend to All
Also not real in any reality. Shhh! Don't tell anybody, it's a secret.
#1456
Ladies and gentlemen
Date: 12/27/2001
From: Tork_110
...That was the "What the heck really happened?" plot line.
<applaud>
Hey, I just saw the last ten minutes of survivor.
<Throws one of those sticks at grandmapa's pots.>
Next up: Duh Trigger
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